I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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