You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your dad touched me again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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