Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
