I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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