why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
