Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize