There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
