Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
