Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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