i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
