Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
