so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
