not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize