I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
