We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
