so that wasnt chicken after all
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
