I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
