I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
