Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You are a genius and a whore.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How naked do you want me to be?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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