the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
