I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
