We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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