That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
