The maid of honor just puked.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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