Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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