So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
