I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
