Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
