today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
