Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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