i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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