We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
is it fun? or sober?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
