I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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