yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
