Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
