Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
