dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
