guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
