Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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