My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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