brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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