we have pet lesbian snakes
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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