if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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