You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
