I puked a lego.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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