Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
