I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
