Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just found puke in my bra..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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