Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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