a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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