His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
