I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
