six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
