I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
