Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize