It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
