I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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