this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize