Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
