I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
