I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
