i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i came on her dog
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
