Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
