I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
