I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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