i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
only if we run a train.
done.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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