That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
