I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
