Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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