Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
